Kim Perfect
by DJCaps
Summary: Annie Kim schemes to destroy Annie Edison. Her plan: take Jeff Winger away from her. The story takes place early Season 3. Jeff/Annie and some Jeff/Annie. DISCLAIMER: story contains coke bottle glasses, Dickensian references, and fantasizing about marriage. Reader discretion is advised.
1. Chapter 1

Some minds work like a series of locks and keys. Some mental images slide left to right. Some slide up and down. Eventually, the solution uncovers itself, and it becomes so obvious that it's inconceivable that it he outcome hadn't presented itself far sooner. This was how Annie Kim's brain worked. She needed that prompt. That suggestion. That keyword. Then suddenly all the locks turned and everything clicked into place. The Model UN idea, for example, was something that's he wouldn't have considered if Annie Edison hasn't mentioned it first.

Annie Kim was low on imagination, but was second to none in execution.

The moment Annie Kim saw Annie Edison, she knew that she had to take her down. To others, she was prim, likable, and almost perfect. Kim knew the darkness that his behind those smiles, though. Burning was a competitive edge that could drive one to insanity.

It was a weakness she could exploit to destroy the school's alpha nerd.

She'd lobbied several well-timed mental bombs down Edison's way. She'd flaunted her superior GPA. She'd driven her to the point of irritation by running with Edison's idea for a Model UN. Annie Edison completely lacked her ice-cold, almost detached demeanor. She was weak and easily destroyed.

What Annie Kim didn't factor in was a certain Jeff Winger.

She was actually surprised that Edison had brought some reinforcement to confront her into the political science class. She always figured Annie Edison was the sort of fragile shrinking violet who would cry off in the corner of a storage locker somewhere. But she brought a guy with her who was tall, lean, and undeniably handsome. He was also pissed. The man was so possessive of Edison that she had to inquire.

"I'm sorry," Annie Kim asked, feigning innocence. "I don't understand what your relationship is here. Are you her father or her lover?"

The flustered look both Jeff Winger and Annie Edison responded with, though, spoke volumes. They kept insisting they were friends, but far too forcefully to be at all convincing. Such an odd reaction. So much emphasis on them being "friends." They kept repeating it as if trying to convince themselves. She crossed her arms, regarding the scene coolly.

What was that headlock Jeff Winger had her in, anyway? An awkward attempt to look friendly while draping his fingers around Edison's waist! That seemed a little ... too intimate for friends. Edison's panicked expression, too, seemed to indicate that she was hesitant to give to game away.

Later, when they'd had their ridiculous Model UN Off, the germ of a thought flowered into a fully fledged idea. The competition had be intense. The two of them sparred, hitting the button and resolving each global crisis alert. But Edison was loosing her composure. While Kim purred her orders to her teammates, Edison's responses were getting more and more panicked. Her confidence was being chipped away, a piece by tiny little piece. While her little support group was loyal to a fault, she noticed that none were taking any of this very seriously. It would only take a small, minuscule event to completely rattle this tightly wound alpha nerd.

Then it happened. The pressure had finally cracked Annie Edison. She smiled to herself as Edison threw an embarrassing temper tantrum, flailing atop her table like a little schoolgirl. Annie Kim knew she'd won. There would be no question of who the most successful and most accomplished woman in Greendale would be. I was only a matter of time.

She allowed herself a wry smile when Edison stormed out of the room, crying. What she didn't expect, though, was Jeff Winger chasing after her. In her mind, Kim had resolved the Winger had fallen far closer to the "father" side of the scale. He was older, and Edison had been acting so immature. But the way he chased after her: that wasn't in the manner of someone with a father figure complex would do.

Recalibrating.

Annie Kim rallied her team, pushing them toward the inevitable victory. The conclusion was foregone. From the side of her eyes, though, she noticed Annie Edison returning with an unmistakable glow on her face. Curious. Her spirit should have been broken. But now she was relaxed and at ease.

Jeff Winger returned a few steps behind her. Kim's imagination ran wild. What went on between them after they'd left the room? She could spot the very poor attempt to not give the game away. Winger had tried to play it cool by staying a respectable distance.

Soon, it all came crashing down. Edison had managed to undermine the entire Model UN system to turn Professor Cligoris against her. This slight hurt Kim the most. She was well on her way to becoming the teacher's pet. She had positioned herself correctly, seating herself in the center of the room at the optimal location to be most visible in answering questions and specifically pressing the Model UN idea because she knew that Cligoris was such a huge quiz buff. But now she was exposed as a petty little child who cared more about the game than the spirit.

Damn you, Annie Edison.

She could easily see why Edison was crazy for this Winger guy. He was tall, rugged, and with a hint of bad boy roguishness. He was also far more confident and mature than the typical dumb college boys who were the same age as her. She totally got it. Jeff Winger was catnip for alpha nerds.

She coldly shook Edison's hand at the end of the match. "Well played," she said, betraying no disappointment.

"Thanks," said Annie Edison. "Um, can I apologize? I behaved terribly. I can't believe I let this entire contest get to my head like that. Can we still be friends?"

Kim narrowed her eyes. "I don't think so," she said, turning away.

Annie stood agape. "Why that little..."

"Wow," said Jeff, watching Annie Kim walk away. "That... is a piece of work."

_You better believe it, you handsome devil_, Annie Kim thought. _I'm going to destroy her. And I'm going to start by taking you away from her._


	2. Chapter 2

Jeff Winger stormed out of the study room, his hands in his pockets. The discussion, which had gotten very heated, had left him in a foul mood. As usual. Though, he kept everything under control by burying his annoyance in a veneer of coolness.

Still.

Who the hell did she think she was wondering who he was texting? Jeff mused. He never asked her who she was... Tumblring. Or Tweeting. Or what the hell it was that replaced email. And when did texting ever become passe? Some people had a life out of Greendale. If she didn't look so great in that tight sweater, he would've... Well, he would've thought of a better insult that wouldn't have been so flattering.

He was so perturbed that he barely noticed Annie stealthily pulling up alongside him. She wrapped her small hand around his elbow.

"Jeff. Hey, Jeff. Jeff Winger. A moment with you."

"I am not in the mood, Annie. If you're looking for someone to help with your stupid terrarium, I suggest you head over to the cafeteria, scooping down a big bowl of lettuce, and passing it off as a statement on the Amazon rainforest. Because, if you thing I'm going to cave in so easily, then maybe you don't know..." He tensed up when he realized he was talking to a different Annie. "Yikes, evil Aaaaa-... I mean," Jeff said, catching himself, "Annie Kim."

She regarded him from behind her black rimmed glasses. "No need to be so formal," she purred in her smooth, controlled voice. "Call me Annie."

"I... don't know if I can do that."

"Right... Other Annie."

He looked at her tiny hand at his elbow and was tempted to shake it off. "I don't want to be forward or anything," said Jeff, "but touching is a little beyond the friend zone. Which is a territory that I'm pretty sure that you've not been granted citizenship to at the moment."

"Are you talking about that silly Model UN Off?" Annie Kim said, forcing a smile to hide her annoyed twitch. "That's old news. What more is there to say about that? You ... and your little friend, is that what you called her? ... won and I lost. Fair and square. Water under the bridge, as they say."

"Uh huh," Jeff said skeptically.

"I came to you because I may have a mutually beneficial proposal for the both of us. I understand that you are struggling in your English literature class?"

Jeff eyes her suspiciously. "And how would you know about that, four eyes?"

Annie Kim looked mocked hurt. "It's my job," she said. "After all, I am a board certified tutor."

Jeff rolled his eyes. "Right," he said. "I have no idea what game you're playing at, sister, but the whole 'board certified tutor' thing? Take it from an old pro who's tried pulling the same con, it's not exactly going to get you very far."

"My card," said Annie Kim, sliding a plastic rectangle into his palm.

Jeff turned the card around in his hands. He handed it back to Kim. "Touché," he said. "And, just so we're clear, I'm only buying your story because I'm pretty sure that these holographic watermarks are impossible to forge."

Annie Kim narrowed her eyes. "And you would know that because..."

"Long story. Let's just say I was looking into it in case things got hairy. So, what, you're a liberal arts major?"

"Don't be insulting," said Annie Kim scornfully. "I met all my college liberal arts requisites in high school. It seemed like such a waste to spend the prime years of your life writing essays to determine if James Joyce was brilliant or pulling garbage out of his ass. Here's a free tip for you, Jeff: all English professors ever want to hear is the former. I have higher ambitions. I'll have you know that I'm taking pre-med. Tutoring is just a way for me to branch out. To help the unfortunate." Jeff wasn't buying it. "The extra credits don't hurt, either." She flashed a conspiratorial glance. "You know what I'm saying, don't you?"

Jeff was a little uneasy. He had been hoping to graduate a little early, but things hadn't proceeded as swiftly as planned. Three years in community college? Who does that?

"I can give you my Kim Guarantee," she said, "that by the time I'm done you'll be able to tell your Tennessee Williams from your William Faulkner."

"Fine," said Jeff. He shook Annie Kim's hand. "But we're only going to try this on a trial basis."

"Wouldn't dream of it any other way," said Annie Kim.

As Jeff walked away, a wicked smile broke across her face. This was going to be easier than she thought.


	3. Chapter 3

Jeff was hunched over a leather-bound book, his elbows on the table and his hands clasping his mess of hair. He rubbed his forehead right above his eyebrows. He was having a stress headache. His usual defense mechanism for such things was to either blow things off or to somehow talk his way into making things go his way. He would have no such mercy on his first day of being tutored.

He flipped through the book. "You know, when I learned we were supposed to be reading _Little Dorrit_, you'll pardon my initial assumption that it was a slightly smaller book with pictures of kittens in baskets. At no point did I imagine that it would be some sort of social satire about debtor's prisons and Ponzi schemes. And at no point did I expect it to be thirty-four chapters long."

Annie Kim and Jeff were seated in the otherwise empty study room. The Study Group wouldn't be meeting here until later. Jeff took his normal seat at the corner near the door. Annie Kim occupied the seat near him, which typically would have been occupied by Britta Perry. Several papers full of notes were scattered across the table. Annie Kim looked much neater and less stressed. She leaned over to his head.

"Well," explained Annie Kim, "Charles Dickens _was_ paid by the word."

"I get that. What I don't get was why he didn't just write 'blah blah blah' to pad out his running time. It would be a lit less painful. I swear to God, the people from the past knew what they were doing and they inflicted this on the world to punish future generations. Isn't there a video or a miniseries I can watch?"

"There is. It was done by the BBC a few years back," Annie Kim said. She surrepitiously removed her glasses, resting them gently between her thumb and forefinger, using her palm to prop her chin up while looing at Jeff. "It's eight hours long. I have a copy in my dorm room you can watch … if you're interested."

"Ugh," complained Jeff, rubbing his eyes with the palms of his eyes. "Seven hours too long. Between Abed's new obsession with Inspector Spacetime and Duncan's obsession with his own voice, I think my tolerance for British accents is at the limit."

He slowly exhaled, letting the stress headache fade. Get used to it. _You're knee deep in it now, brother._ That's what Annie told him when he got his first stress headache. Not this Annie, also known as Annie Kim. He meant Other An-… no, his Annie… great, now he was starting to lose track.

Annie Kim's brain started to lock up. Things were not quite going according to plan. She'd heard rumors that Jeff Winger was a complete horndog. There were tales around the school when an entire school dance was derailed by Winger's relationship problems. Competing factions rooted for whether he should date a hot teacher or one of his hot classmates. A clear opening like that should've brought out the smarm.

Unless… no, she was certain she wasn't wrong about this guy. Not when all evidence pointed to the contrary. Perhaps she just needed to turn up the charm. It was an area that she was not entirely familiar or comfortable with, admittedly. Romance was for impudent brats like Annie Edison. But if that brat could charm Jeff Winger, she could do it ten times better.

"You know, the book is really not too difficult to understand if you break it down to a thematic level," said Annie Kim, sidling up to Jeff. Her voice went from her usual matter-of-fact manner to something lower and huskier. "You just need to connect the themes of the book to Dickens' greater themes. In this case, imprisonment. Physical, metaphorical, mental. Use your power of deduction, Jeff. What is it like to be stuck in a vicious, inescapable cycle of uncertainty and unhappiness? What sort of sweet relief would you feel if suddenly you were free to pursue a new direction?"

She didn't get the desired effect. Jeff regarded her with a very odd glance. Annie Kim backed off a little, a little unsure if she completely bombed.

"That's your idea of 'not too difficult to understand'?" he finally said. "That sounds an awful lot like busywork, something that my doctor assures me I'm allergic to."

They heard someone clearing his throat at the door of the study room.

"Oh, hi Abed," said Jeff.

"Jeff," said Abed. His eyes flashed left and right, regarding the scene. He continued. "I was wondering if you'd seen Troy around?"

"I think I saw him with Britta. They're preparing for a dance recital or something or other. Anything important."

"Not really. I just needed his help with packing the stuff in my dorm to move in the new apartment."

"You know, Abed, I'm available in about an hour if you need an extra hand. I could use the work out. I've been vegetating in this chair for an hour at least. I can feel my muscle mass liquefying into lactic acid."

"Cool. What is Earth-2 Annie doing at our table?" Abed said directly.

Annie Kim narrowed her eyes. She put her glasses back on. "This table isn't exclusive to seven people," she said, defensively. "It just so happens it was free, and Jeff needed my services as a tutor."

"I see," said Abed. He pondered for a while. Jeff and Annie Kim stared at him questioningly. There were obviously some cogs going around in circles in his mind. They expected him to say something. However, he just turned on his heels to walk out of the room.

"Where is he going?" Annie Kim asked.

"You never know with Abed," said Jeff. "He's got a mind all of his own. Do you know he helped turned part of this school into a blanket fortress last year?"

Annie Kim snickered. "You keep such strange company."

* * *

Annie Edison yawned. Waking up from Sleep Lab always took some time to adjust a little. It had the pleasant side effect of feeling refreshed and perky for the rest of the day, though. Under one arm, she cradled her stuffed kangaroo, Ruthie (with Nathan the frog secretly stored in her pouch). One of these days, she was thinking of showing them to Jeff. She felt a little embarrassed, though, especially after he'd shared how he saw her as a mature, self-possessed intelligent young woman. Would this be too juvenile for him?

It wouldn't be the only potentially embarrassing thing she'd ever done.

The morning before she discovered that Annie Kim had started a Model UN, Annie found herself in a powerful fantasy mood while she was in her apartment. She'd made herself a plate of scrambled eggs, and discovered that she had some left over. She was just going to throw it away; having too much omelet would make her sluggish. She was in a whimsical mood that day, though. Smiling to herself, she put the rest on a second plate. She then placed that plate, with associated utensils, opposite her while she was eating.

She dreamed that she was Mrs. Winger, and seated across from her, dressed very nicely in a fresh new suit and tie with that rakish grin on his face, was Mr. Jeff Winger. He was going to be off to try a case somewhere soon, but he had just enough time to chit chat for breakfast. He asked her about how her day was looking. Oh, she had to work an extra shift tonight at the ER. Had to cover for some girls who were going to be out partying. He'd tell her that that was a shame, because he was really looking forward to some alone time tonight.

But was she free for lunch? Of course, Annie giggled. They could meet at the corner cafe where they had these fantastic turkey sandwiches served on a bagel with pesto, bean sprouts, and tomato. It's a date, Jeff would say, and then he'd be off.

The spell broken, Annie cleaned off her plate and dumped the extra omelet in the garbage.

That was then, though. That was partly her way of coping with the idea that perhaps Jeff was a little unattainable. It was fun, definitely… but maybe it was a little delusional. Maybe it was a way to be safely cocooned tightly in a comfort zone where inaction meant a safe little world where she was fully in control of all the variables to make her happy.

But she wasn't in the mood for fantasizing now. After Jeff had lifted her chin and looked into her eyes on the day when everything seemed lost at that Model UN competition, she began thinking that maybe he wasn't such an unattainable fantasy after all. She was still mad at him. He had buried her the summer after he'd kissed her. (God, doesn't he know how much that meant to me?) And he'd broken her heart again after flirting with her all year, just to find out that he'd secretly been sleeping with Britta the entire time. He could be absolutely infuriating sometimes.

But that look he gave her... She was pretty happy to end things now and concede that nothing was going to ever happen between them. She knew that other guys found her attractive. There were plenty of fish in the sea, right? But when Jeff gave her that look, he accidentally let down his guard.

Jeff Winger, the man who'd buried his emotions for her all last year, was in love with her after all.

So that was it. Time to shelve the fantasies and take Jeff's advice: she needed to prove to him that she as a mature, self-possessed, intelligent woman.

It was just a waste of food, anyway. Maybe it wasn't going to happen today... but it was going to happen.

And maybe she wouldn't give him a hard time today. She'd let him have it when the Study Group was torn apart by the Todd issue. But she wasn't mad anymore. They never were mad at each other for very long.

She double-checked to see if Nathan was still in the pouch and happily placed the duo back in her locker.

She noticed Abed walking in her direction, and she waved at him. "Abed!" she called out. "Have you seen Jeff around?"

Abed put his finger to his chin. "I'm not sure if I can give you a straight answer just yet," he said, cocking his head sideways.

"This isn't a trick question, Abed," Annie said. "You've either seen him or you haven't."

It's not the answer that Abed was most concerned about, but rather the ramifications without fully knowing the complete story. Suffice to say that there's an element he hadn't considered that may fracture the fragile ecosystem of the Study Group. He frowned, and then said, "Mmmmm... pass."

"Pass? What? Abed," Annie called out, but he was already retreating down the hall.

Annie shouldered her backpack. Where would Jeff be at this time, anyway? It was a little early yet for his mid-afternoon wardrobe change, an event that happened in the parking lot at his Lexus that was witnessed by a quite a few interested women around campus interested to see the results of his workout regimen for this week. OK, maybe not "a few" interested women. _Maybe one, specifically_, Annie mused, almost snorting at the thought.

Since he didn't have class at this hour, he'd probably be at the cafeteria, his face buried in his cellphone, as usual. Maybe she'd casually stroll down there, pretend she was heading off to somewhere in a hurry, and maybe he'd suddenly notice her or catch the scent of her lavender perfume and steel his eyes away from his cellphone. She'd glance back, and he'd pretend to play it off like he wasn't staring, but they both would know what was up. His look of shamefaced embarrassment was always adorable. Maybe he'd even ask her for some help for some help for once….

Annie froze.

She'd cut through the library to take a short cut to the cafeteria. She immediately regretted the quick glance she took at Group Study Room F. Jeff wasn't in the cafeteria after all. He wasn't even riveted to his phone. She would have preferred if he was riveted to his phone. Annie's left eye twitched uncontrollably at what she was seeing. She balled her fists, digging her fingernails into her palms.

_OTHER. ANNIE._


	4. Chapter 4

Jeff was sitting crossways on the couch in the student lounge. Students milled about behind him, getting snacks from the vending machines and rushing off on their way to class. He knew Starburns passed the couch a while ago. His pungent aroma of pachouli and roadkill was unmistakable.

As usual, though, he was huddling over his phone. He was staring dispassionately at square photographs. When did it become hip to edit photos so they looked like blurry Polaroids from the 1970's? It was a little ridiculous. I mean, bringing back skinny jeans, he could understand. The did a fantastic job accentuating one's natural assets. But editing your photos to looks like a photo taken on aged film did no one any favors. He grimaced, but he made his choice.

He wasn't going to "Like" this picture.

He was going to render a judgment call on an artsy picture of an antique bottle opener ("_Mundane, but a decent composition overall,_" thought Jeff) when he felt a sharp punch on his upper bicep. Annie had taken a set next to him. Her face was twisted in rage.

"You cheat!" she hissed. "You two-faced ... harlot!"

Jeff rubbed his arm and flashed a bewildered look. "Annie, what the hell?"

She crossed her arms. "I saw you in the study room. With Other Annie."

"Annie," said Jeff, very calmly but a little defensively, "it's not what you think."

Annie pouted. "You're letting someone else... tutor you?"

"OK. Maybe it's exactly what you were thinking. Look, I guess I should've told you sooner. But I was failing English literature, and Annie turns out to be a legitimate licensed tutor."

"Oh!" said Annie. "She's just 'Annie' now? Then what am I? Chopped Liver Annie?"

"No, because this isn't the 1920's," Jeff said defensively. His face softened. "You're my Annie. Remember?"

That caused Annie calmed down a little. "Sorry," she said. "You know I get a little competitive when Annie Kim is involved. If you were getting tutoring, though, why didn't you tell anyone? Or at least me? If you needed help passing a class, you know that I would've done what I could to help."

"Well," said Jeff, "first of all, you pretty much powered through all your liberal arts electives the last two years. Asking you for help would mean helping me with classes you're not taking."

"Why does that matter? I still have all my notes. I have papers dating back five years stored in a box at my apartment."

"And second," Jeff continued, scratching the back of his neck, "I actually did think about what you told me the last time we had a Biology project. I know," he said, observing Annie's bewildered reaction. "Shocker."

"What?" Annie said. "What are you talking about?"

"To put it simply, how I've sorta been using you just so I can goof off and cruise in classes with a somewhat adequate grade."

"Jeff... I... That's not how I viewed it, really..."

"No. You were right. I am a bad grade. And the more I thought about it, the more I realized that it's really not fair to you. If I'm going to pass this class, I have to do it my own way. I should never have treated you as a doormat. Friends don't treat each other that way."

_Friends_. Annie sighed. "So..." she said. "How often does Other Annie tutor you?"

"One hour a day. We're on a trial basis."

"No... late all-nighters?"

Jeff hesitated. Annie Kim had asked him to watch the TV adaption of _Little Dorrit_, after all. "What? No," Jeff said, not very convincingly. Annie looked at him worriedly. "You're going to have to trust me," said Jeff.

Annie searched his eyes for any trace of insincerity. "Fine," she said, clapping her hands over Jeff's. "I trust you."

* * *

"And remember," said Annie, "none of us, under any circumstances, should trust the Other Annie."

"What am I doing here?" asked Troy in a state of utmost befuddlement. "I mean, I get Pierce here. He's got the secret James Bond spyware. I don't get what I'm supposed to do, though. I mean, let's face it, Annie, I'm usually the last guy you come to for anything."

The three met clandestinely in the supply closet one day after Annie's discovery of Jeff's academic infidelity. Pierce was seated at a table, bulky padded gray headphones covering his ears. He was turning the dials and knobs of his surveillance equipment, a large metal box that looked like a Cold War relic. The speaker emitted a high pitched squeal. Next to him, Troy's eyes bugged out as he stifled the instinct to yelp girlishly.

"Don't sell yourself short, Houlighan," said Annie. "You've got skills. Mad athletic skills. And ... people skills. And... I really couldn't ask Britta. She's really hung up on invasion of privacy. Silly, I know. And ... Shirley would definitely disapprove of all of this. And... I actually asked Abed, but's he's been very adamant about keeping his distance from this. So technically, you and Pierce were the only options left."

Troy slammed his palms on the table. "HOULIGHAN!" he shouted. "I love it! Can I get a badge printed out with that name on it?"

"Sure! Whatever."

Awesome."

"Alright, I think I got the right frequency," said Pierce, flipping on a switch. "We should be getting some audio from the bug we planted under the Study Room table. Who are we blackmailing?"

"We are not blackmailing anyone," said Annie. "We're just making sure that ... Pierce! Put that down!"

"What?" said Pierce, half way through unscrewing the top of a pen. "All this espionage and subterfuge is making me tense. Some of Daddy's Little Helper should take the edge off."

"No! No ink! And no alcohol, either. Just... just don't drink anything."

"Yo, when do I get to bust up some perps," said Troy, cracking his knuckles.

"We are not doing any of that!" squealed Annie. "Well... not yet. We are just here to observe what Other Annie is up to. I took the liberty of checking some of her records. It turns out that she got her tutor license shortly after our Model UN Off."

"Ah, I remember that day quite well," said Pierce, reminiscing. "Troy, remind me to book a vacation to the lush, tropical paradise of Somalia one of these days."

"Sho' nuff, shug-ah," said Troy, beaming.

"Right," said Annie. "Well, it turns out that she's been meeting with Jeff in secret. Doesn't that sound suspicious to either of you?"

"Well, it should be pretty obvious why Winger fell to Other Annie's charms," said Pierce. "That woman has an incredible rack. And those gorgeous legs. Those pouty lips. That mole on her upper left breast. There was one time she came to my Communcations class wearing a miniskirt and a tight halter top. It must've been cold that day, because her ni-..."

"PIERCE!" squealed Annie, blushing red. "Ew! That's totally inappropriate. And UNTRUE!"

"Pierce," said Troy, "you're thinking of the wrong Annie. That's Sexy Hot Latina Annie. Annie Delgado? Annie is talking about Evil Asian Annie."

"Oh, right," said Pierce. "The sneaky one. Why are there so many women in this school named Annie?"

"I mean, don't get me wrong," said Troy. "Evil Asian Annie definitely has it going on. She's got this ice queen attitude that a lot of guys could really go far. Adds to the mystery. You know who she reminds me of? Professor Slater. Remember when she and Jeff..."

"I think Annie Kim is trying to break the Study Group!" Annie blurted.

"Oh, man," said Troy, "I hate Evil Asian Annie!"

"Wait," said Pierce, holding up his finger. "I think... yes, there it is. I'm hearing some voices. I'll route this to the speaker." He clicked off the mute button. Annie and Troy crowded around the machine, their ears straining to hear the voices. Eventually, they heard one belonging to a woman.

_"... Hur gjorde du på stegen examen? Jag trodde att jag aced det."_

"What?" said Troy. "Pierce, I think you got some wires crossed or something. Or maybe...", Troy's eyes widened, "you're picking up signals from outside the planet!"

"Don't be ridiculous!" Pierce said, scoffing. "Wires crossed. Bah. The language sounds familiar though."

They heard another voice. This time, a man's. _"Har du? Jag hade en svår tid att försöka komma ihåg vad skillnaden var mellan ett snitt stege och en teleskopisk stege."_

"A ha!" said Pierce. "It all makes sense! Other Annie has clearly brainwashed Jeff so much that they're holding conversations in her native Chinese. Like I said, sneaky."

"First of all, Pierce," said Annie, "Annie Kim isn't Chinese. She's Korean. And second of all, that's not even Chinese."

"Are you saying it's ... extraterrestrial?" Troy gasped. Annie rolled her eyes.

The woman's voice came on again. _"Är du seriös? Den enda fråga som jag hittade svårt var där den äldsta stegen kom ifrån. Har vi täcker även det i klassen?"_

"Guys, this is clearly Swedish," said Annie. "I think that's Maria and Anders. I met them in International Club. This doesn't make sense." Annie pulled a piece of paper from her planner. "I printed out a room schedule for the Study Room. The should be there. Unless..." A shadow passed over Annie's face. She crumpled the paper in her hand.

Of course she knew about the bug. What a fool she was to underestimate Annie Kim.


	5. Chapter 5

"Here's a good passage," Annie Kim said, pointing to a page in a collection of essays. "'Victorian society's corruption is also rendered metaphorically by the many references to disease and ill health in Little Dorrit. From the fetid air of the prison to the filthiness of the streets, conditions in the nineteenth-century city make for inhabitants who suffer from nameless infections and infirmities, both physical and psychological.'" She waited for a response, but slowly came to a realization that it was falling on deaf ears. She'd only started tutoring Jeff a short time, but she was already getting a little annoyed by his short attention span. She was starting to wonder how Annie Edison ever had the patience. "Are you even listening to me? Jeff?"

Jeff was staring straight ahead at a painting hanging on the opposite wall of the room. "I have half a mind to turn that over," he said. "I can actually feel his eyes following me. It's like he's an evil overlord dictating my every actions."

Annie shook her head. "You've definitely spent too much time hanging around your oddball friends."

The painting depicted the Portuguese explorer, who had the unlikely name of English Memorial. He had his naked back turned to the viewer. His head, though, was craned back, his piercing staring out. Jeff continued, "It's like he's trying to say, 'This is my syphillis-curing fountain, and you'll have to fight me in naked hand to hand combat if you want it.' Why aren't we meeting in Study Room F again?"

"That room was far too distracting," explained Annie. If she had any advantage over the other Annie, it was that she was far more adept at bluffing other people. "People just seem to never shut up when passing by in the hallway. And how many times did the Dean interrupt us while wearing an inappropriate outfit? It's a miracle that your study group ever gets anything done."

"Don't jump to conclusions," said Jeff. "We're actually pros at never getting anything done. How did you even know about this study room, anyway? I've been going to this school two years and I've never heard of this place. Admittedly, it is a little cramped, but the beanbag chairs are a nice touch."

"I don't know," said Annie, squirming a little. "These don't do anything in the way of lumbar support." There was a low table in this room, a small table perched a few inches higher than the floor. It was covered with all sorts of papers, notes, and documents she'd brought from the library.

"You really should learn to network beyond your comfy little clique," said Annie. "In this case, it was Annie Delgado who clued me in. It turns out this place is a somewhat secret hangout for the Hispanic Skydiving Club."

"That explains the mobiles," he said, pointing at the decorations suspended from the ceiling. An airplane was at the top. Fishing line suspended down to paper parachutes, under which dangled paper figurines with pictures of the Hispanic Skydiving Club's faces pasted on the heads. "I thought that this was a nursery. Wait, there's an Other Other Annie?"

Annie Kim rolled her eyes. "It's not that uncommon of a name," she said. "Though... there might have been a touring Broadway revival in town around the time we were all born."

Annie wore her hair differently today than she had previously, but it wasn't intentional. She had no time to brush it today, and thus it was in a permanent state of being a tangled bird's nest. To her surprise, Jeff actually approved of this look. He said she looked like Lisa Loeb. To Jeff's surprise, she knew exactly what he was talking about.

"Because no one your age should know who Lisa Loeb is," Jeff said after Annie Kim asked why he was thrown for a loop. Had he made the same comment to Abed or Troy or Annie (especially Annie), he would've gotten an unwelcome reminder of how young they were and, inversely, how old he was. "Shouldn't you be listening to One Direction or Bruno Mars?"

"I happen to enjoy a lot of things that have been around long enough to stand the test of time," she said with a smirk on her face. "You never knew what's going to last with the Billboard Top 100. Most of it is garbage. But if something lasts, oh, ten, fifteen, twenty years, then it may be something worth holding on to."

"So you're into old stuff."

"I prefer to think of it as seasoned," she said slyly.

It was an early and unexpected triumph, but things went downhill a little after. The beanbags somehow made Jeff even lazier and more unfocused. Shoot, she was starting to feel a little less than optimal. Maybe securing Study Room Q was a terrible, terrible idea.

_Snap out of it_, Annie Kim told herself. _Eye on the prize._ She'd run the various outcomes ahead of time. The risk management, the cost benefit analyses, etc. It was imperative that Jeff Winger pass. Not necessarily to gain points as a tutor, but rather as a service to her ultimate goal. She'd already stolen his time away from Annie Edison. If she succeeds in also managing to educate Jeff Winger, she proves she's far more useful as well. Drive the wedge, and Annie Edison goes so nuclear that the tantrum that she pulled in the Model UN Off would look like a firecracker by comparison.

Which normally would have been a priority, but these bean bag chairs were just so comfy. Her brain was just not up to anything today.

"Here's something I don't get," said Jeff, snapping Annie Kim out of her revelry. "You founded 17 clubs at your old high school and had an incredibly high GPA."

"Yes. That's the modest version."

"So what's a clearly intelligent person like you doing at a community college?"

"Well, smart guy," said Annie, yawning a little, "why don't you take a guess?"

"Seriously? Fine. Your dad was thrown into a debtor's prison to work off his unpaid debt. And you and your two other siblings grew up there, free to come and go as you please, but stuck with supporting the family. You had to support the family with your sewing. The dark spot on your reputation, though, prevented you from applying to any of the higher institutions of learning, and thus, you were doomed to Greendale Community College."

Annie narrowed her eyes, a little confused. "That's just the plot of _Little Dorrit_," she said. "The same book we've been reading all week."

"I never said I was all that imaginative," said Jeff.

"Clearly the power of deduction is lacking in your array of formidable talents," said Annie. "Or perhaps I can chalk this up to your general lack of the modern intricacies of the college experience. How was Columbia University, by the way?"

"Ooh, ouch," said Jeff, wincing in mock pain.

"It's not that complicated, really. Plenty of students with high GPA's take their first couple of years at a community college before transferring to a better university. You can work off your electives and get the same amount of college credit in a more hands on environment. But really, here's the big thing: it's cheaper. In this economy and with college tuitions being as high as they are, saving money is just the safe move."

"So money problems. Gotcha."

"Hey," said Annie, crossing her arms, "just because I'm Asian doesn't mean our family is loaded. Now, can we please just get back to working on your essay? Admittedly, _Little Dorrit_ is a bit of a slog. It's not one of Dicken's best works, in my opinion. It's no _Great Expectations_."

"You know, saying Great Expectations is your favorite Dickens is right up there with saying Nickelback is your favorite band."

"What, did you expect me to be some sort of literature hipster?" she said. "Sometimes things are popular because they deserve to be popular. At least I didn't say _A Christmas Carol_. That's the Counting Crows of Dickens works." Jeff let out a snort. "What?"

"Seriously? A Counting Crows reference? Way to be unhip, VH1."

"Oh, come on," she said. She pushed he bridge of her glasses up. "I guess I always identified with Pip. A kid born into less than ideal conditions, losing his parents and hating his sister. But his spirit couldn't be crushed. All he needed was that sliver of an opportunity to prove to everyone that he had more potential than they initially gave him credit for. Of course, it all unravels around him sooner or later, but that's the crushing reality of life."

Jeff stretched his arms out. "Miss Havisham for me," said Jeff. "Betrayed on her wedding day. Smashed all the clocks in her house and kept a wedding cake full of spiders. Groomed a girl whose sole purpose was to destroy the hearts of all men. The broad had her priorities straight."

Annie regarded Jeff with a quizzical book. "So you have read some of the classics."

"You might find this hard to believe, but I did go to junior high once, and I had to deal with the little thing called required reading. I managed to Cliff Notes my way through every other book, but on this one the teacher managed to catch me. As punishment, I had to spend an hour of detention every week reading _Great Expectations_. It's not that bad of a book.

"I just don't like the idea of reading books when the whole point is to stroke the ego of a professor who's still trying to convince everyone else how important he is for getting a worthless liberal arts degree. But, yeah, I've read a book here and there. It's just that I prefer slimmer, more modern books about fourth dimensional aliens who are two feet high, green, and shaped like plumber's friends."

Annie Kim shook her head. "Vonnegut, eh? Way to be a hipster stereotype, Winger."

Jeff's eyes widened. "You are literally the first person in this school who has ever gotten that reference."

"I find that hard to believe. What, not even that weird kid who keeps obsessing about alternate realities?"

"No. Don't get me wrong, Abed is mired in pop culture, but every single one of his reference points come from either television or movies. Rarely books. Well, not counting comic books. I think his latest theories come straight out of _Sliders_. Or _Fringe_. I sorta tune out once he starts affixing numbers to alternate earths. Swear to God, you're the first person who ever picked up on Vonnegut." He flashed her a sly smile and a sidelong glance. "And you said you weren't a hipster. I should've known. I'll bet those glasses don't even have lenses."

"Hey!" said Annie Kim. She handed Jeff her glasses. "Do you think anyone on Earth would be willing to put up with these Coke bottle lenses just to be stylish? I just happen to read a lot of books. Vonnegut's cultural cache among hipsters has nothing to do with it. At least I don't read his books just to look cool."

"Hey," said Jeff, "I happen to find his cynical, nihilistic view of the world to be genuinely appealing. That ... and the borderline pornographic doodles."

Annie Kim let out a little laugh. Jeff stared. "What?" Said Annie defensively.

"I don't think I've seen you laugh before."

Annie was a little embarrassed to be caught off guard. "Just... it's not easy finding people at this school who can hold a literate conversation. I'm actually a little shocked. You're a lot smarter than your academic record lets on."

"Then, my young padawan learner, I'll let you in on one of life's greatest secrets," said Jeff. "The truly smart ones spend very little time obsessing about grades."

"Fine advice," Annie said, "for someone who doesn't aspire to anything greater than Greendale."

"So that means you're definitely transfering to a better college after a year?"

"Yes. Maybe," said Annie, a small smile creeping on her face. "It looked like a pretty terrible place at first, but it's odd how it grows on you."

A bell rang in the hallway, shocking them back into reality. Annie Kim peeled herself up from the bean bag chair, scooped up her papers, and swiftly snatching her glasses from Jeff's hands. "Crap," she said, "five minutes to class. Did we even accomplish anything?"

"Don't worry. I won't tell anyone you're a terrible tutor."

"Ha, ha. Not funny. We've barely even started on your essay. If we're going to meet next week's deadline, we're going to have to pull an all nighter."

Jeff stiffened. "Uh, wait, I don't think that's a good..."

"We are so behind," Annie Kim said as she scribbled something on her moleskine. She ripped the paper out and crushed it into Jeff's. "My dorm room and phone number. I'm free all weekend. Friday even. Give me a ring, and we'll buckle down and hammer it out, quick and dirty. Anytime, anywhere. I'm yours." She paused, ruminating a second at what she just said, before turning on her heels and stomping out of the room to get to her next class. Jeff stared bewilderedly.

_What_, she thought, hugging the papers and her notebook to her chest as a shadow of concern passed over her face, _what just happened there?_


	6. Chapter 6

"Looks like your instincts were correct, Houlighan," said Troy, speaking into his earpiece. "Jeff Winger spotted in Study Room Q of the English Memorial Spanish Center. No sign of Eta Alpha Alpha."

"...what?" returned the voice at the other end.

"Evil Asian Annie."

"Oh, right. Duh-doy."

"He seems to be packing his books but doing it very slowly. Diagnosis: beanbag fatigue syndrome."

"I knew it!" said Annie, manning the speaker connected to Pierce's listening device. She was still in the supply closet, and she had the bulky headphones on her own ears. Pierce was technically still in the room. However, he said he was going to close his eyes for a bit, which led to a a full on deep sleep. He had his head down on the table, his eyes closed, his glasses perched crookedly. Annie had to nudge him once or twice. When he let out an annoyed snore, it was satisfactory proof that Pierce wasn't yet dead.

"Sorry for getting all up in your grill for shaking down Garrett, but dammit, you get results! He really did hear Annie Kim sneering to him en espanol. That could only mean one thing... the English Memorial Spanish Center! Wait... I thought you were Houlighan?"

"Yeah, here's the problem. Houlighan is a fun name to say. And I don't get to say it unless I'm talking in the third person. Can't we both be Houlighan? We can be Houlighan and Houlighan, a crime frighting brother team! You'll be the uptight neat freak who works behind the desk, and I'll be the one who gets into scraps. Just like The Other Guys!"

"Troy... That's too confusing! The whole purpose of having code names is to make covert communications easier... And I can't be your brother, either!"

"Hey, hold your horses there, pod-nuh. Wait... How about you're Houlighan, and I'm Partner! Mordecai Partner, Paranormal Investigator."

"...we'll talk."

"Hold on. Mercury is leaving Olympus. I repeat, Mercury is leaving Olympus."

"Wait... Mercury?"

"You know... Winger... Winged feet. Mercury. I thought we settled on this!"

"No we didn't! You're just making things up as you go along."

"Jeff!" said Troy, his voice shifting from conspiratorial to conversational. "How's it hanging, buddy? Seems like you're getting your Spanish on."

"English lit, actually," said Jeff. "Nice tie, Peter Parker. You headed to an interview?"

"Naw, it's like... why do college students have to dress down all the time? We're supposed to be the leaders of the future! I'm trying to get everyone on board a fashion trend."

"With a Spider-Man tie."

"It is both fun annnnnnddd formal."

"Are you wearing an earpiece?"

"No. It's ... my ... hearing aid! You get a little hard of hearing when you get old, right, ya feel me? It's all this rock and roll. Makes the bones in my ear all sticky."

"Ask him about the study session," Annie said, whispering tensely into her speakerphone.

No response.

"Troy?"

Annie swung around to see if her speakerphone had a loose connection. There was. The other end was no longer plugged into Pierce's listening device. It was in the petite hand of Annie Kim.

"We'll isn't this adorable," said Annie Kim. "Little Annie Edison is playing detective. Would you like your fruit cup now, or do you want me to save it for nap time?"

"Uh, hey," said Annie Edison, suddenly embarrassed. She lowly lowered the speakerphone under the table. "What an... unexpected..." She trailed off.

Annie Kim confidently sat on the edge of the table opposite to Annie. She flicked off the switch to the device. With hawklike eyes, she regarded the sleeping form of Pierce Hawthorne. The man was too far gone into slumberland to be an issue. She turned her attention to the other Annie.

"This room is not exactly an unknown spot," she said. "I've heard it's been used for make outs, mental breakdowns, sordid confessions, and hide and seek. The last one is not so effective since this is the first place everyone looks. Besides," she continued, "this room was on the way to class and you left the door open. That's no way to run a covert operation."

She absentmindedly twirled the tape wheels, watching the plastic ribbons bunch up and crinkle, then straighten as she pulled them taught. Annie Edison fell silent, like someone who'd been caught watching inappropriate videos on a laptop.

"I bet you want to know what your devilishly handsome lawyer friend have been up to," Annie Kim said, looking sideways at Annie Edison. "Would you like to be in on the little secret of what Jeff Winger and I do behind closed doors?"

Annie Edison's eyes widened. "W-what?"

"Absolutely nothing," teased Annie Kim. She grabbed a reel and spun it around, causing the tape to spill in a bundle over Pierce's face. "I hope that alleviates your fragile little ego. Just academics. And maybe a little conversation. Light flirting, perhaps, but nothing serious."

"Flirting?"

"Well," said Annie Kim, tilting her head sideways coquettishly, "he did say I looked like Lisa Loeb."

"Who's Lisa Loeb?"

"Exactly." Annie Kim turned her head to face her counterpart. "Let's let the past be the past for a second, Annie Edison. Let's forget this sordid affair about a Model UN. Let's just talk, one-on-one, as women. Don't you think you've been a little immature about this guy?"

"I... don't know what you're talking about. Jeff and I are just friends..."

"A friend doesn't moon over some unattainable guy like a lovesick teenager."

"Hey!" Annie said defensively. "Jeff is totally attainable!" She gasped at her own statement.

Pierce snored.

"Do you two even have a relationship?" said Annie Kim. "In just a few tutoring sessions, I learned about his favorite book and how he managed to get through childhood coasting through classes. And he learned a few things about me as well. Did the two of you ever have, as the French say, a _tête-à-tête?_"

Annie Kim regarded the silence approvingly. "I take that as a no," she said. "Annie, you need to own up to the fact that while I'm younger than you, you're just a scared little girl with emotional issues. One of us needs to grow up, and - here's a pro tip - it's not me.

"You're not stupid, Edison. You and I are probably the two smartest people in this entire school. Us brainiacs have to stick together or the predators eat us up. So use your brain and ponder this little fact: what in the world could you possibly offer to Jeff Winger? Puppy dog eyes? Co-dependency? That doesn't sound entirely healthy. Does it sound healthy to you?

"Aren't you the slightest bit afraid that obsessing about him so much might be, I don't know, regressive? Just like you conjuring up cute little scenarios where I'm fooling around with your paramour behind closed doors. It's so... childish."

Annie Edison hesitated. A lot of what Annie Kim said made sense, and it didn't make her happy. Seeing the self-doubt creep over Edison's face, Annie Kim slid off the table triumphantly.

"By the way," said Annie Kim, "what's the name of that half-Arab, half-Polish kid in your little clique? Abed, is it? I think the two of you would make a cute couple. Ah," she said, looking at her watch. "One minute to class. Right on the dot, as always. I must be off. Don't be a stranger, Edison. If you ever want to have some girl talk, you don't have to resort to spy device." She turned away, a barely contained smirk growing on her face.

Annie waited until Annie Kim was long gone. When she was, she let out a hurt, strangled sob.

Pierce responded in kind with a painfully loud snore.


	7. Chapter 7

"So Neil and I did a totally gay ADD module last weekend. They called it called 'Tomb of Horrors,'" Pierce explained.

"Ah, yes," said Abed. "The module originally written by Gary Gygax back in 1975 written to test players who boast of having characters that can beat any challenge. It's supposed to be legendarily impossible."

"Personally," continued Pierce, "I didn't see the big deal. I plowed through that mother like a scantily clad valkyrie with spiky di-..."

"Stop," said Jeff from the other side of the study table, holding up his hand but barely looking up from his cellphone.

"What? I was going to say spiky dinosaur. Like the stegosaurus." Jeff looked at Pierce witheringly. "What I'm saying is that it's horny."

"Pierce... that was belabored."

"Yeah, I would've gone with kentrosaurus," said Troy. "That dude was stacked with spikes on top of spikes! Stegosaurus was more about the plates. Why is everyone looking at me weird?"

"Long story short," said Pierce, "we won! And we managed to drive the Dungeon Master crazy with our skill and cunning. And some... questionable role play. Neil was so grateful he'd agree to drop by and give us the scoop on the lunch menu for the next couple of weeks."

"Awwww," cooed Shirley, clasping her hands. "That's nice!" Suddenly, she noticed that she was the only one cooing today. She turned to see Annie slumped in her chair. She hadn't heard much a peep from her all day. "Is there something wrong, sweetie?"

"It's just ... no, I'm fine," said Annie, hardly her usually perky self. Shirley noticed that she stole a glance toward Jeff's way. It was barely noticeable but obvious... at least to anyone with half the sense of reading into body language like Shirley Bennet.

"Remember guys," said Troy, "Abed and me's house warming party is next week. We're going to have Jenga, Candyland, Chutes and Ladders, Boggle, Yahtzee..."

"We agreed on no Yahtzee," said Abed.

"What, why?" Britta asked.

Troy replied. "Abed's concerned that if we play Yahtzee, we'll be creating multiple timelines."

"C'mon, Abed," Britta pleaded. "I used to be pretty good at Yahtzee. Not so much Chutes and Ladders. It brings back memories. Horrible, suppressed memories."

"Fine," said Abed. "But I can't be held responsible for what may and may not happen in alternate timelines."

"Ooh, ooh," Britta said excitedly, "I'm bringing my iPod. Did you know that they have this little wheel that you can just rub your fingers across to scroll up and down on a playlist? It's like turning a dial using magic!"

"What a shame Steve Jobs couldn't live a few days longer to see this momentous day," Jeff said, returning to his phone. He looked around to see all the shocked faces around the study table. "Too soon?" There was general agreement from Pierce to Britta. Annie, though, remained a little stone faced.

They heard a knock at the entrance of the study room. "Hey, guys," said Neil, "chicken fingers for lunch today." He pointed a finger and winked toward Pierce. "Bangsarella."

"That's the name of my sexy elven ranger," Pierce explained proudly.

Most of the Study Group - save Jeff, who was busy clicking away at his phone, and Annie, who was slowly gathering her books - rushed out to follow after Neil. Shirley, though, waited until she saw Pierce's back disappear through the doorway. Gently, she lay her hand on Jeff's phone to push it away from his face. The connection between screen and pupils broken, Jeff flashed an irritated look at Shirley. Shirley responded by subtly tilting her head toward Annie. She clenched her chin, and fixed Jeff with a stern look, as if to say, "Fix this, or I will kill you." Jeff looked at Annie's direction. She hadn't seen the interaction, as she was focused on sliding her books into her backpack. Jeff looked back at Shirley. She gave him a last sly nod, then left the room to follow the rest of the Study Group.

"Annie, wait up!" said Jeff, catching up with the petite brunette as she was leaving the room. "I... need your opinion on something." She looked up at him tentatively. "Five o'clock shadow or no?" said Jeff, motioning to his facial hair. "On the one side, it's gotten pretty itchy lately. On the other hand, I think if I shave it off I look a little like Doogie Howser."

"Who's Doogie Howser?" Annie asked.

"It's a character that Neil Patrick Harris played when he was ... dammit, Annie, don't do that!" Jeff shot back after he noticed Annie suppressing a giggle.

They walked side by side down the hallway toward the cafeteria. Annie clutched the straps on her backpack while Jeff walked lankily alongside with his hands in his jean pockets. There was something comfortingly familiar about it all, and that's what was bothering Annie.

"OK, real reason," Jeff finally said. "You've been really off your game today."

"Really?"

"When we were putting together a list of edible flowers, you suggested poison hemlock. Come on, Annie. 'Poison' is in the name."

"Well, maybe I was distracted by the illustrations of flower cross-sections they have on every page. They're very suggestive." She looked up at Jeff. He was looking at her with a concerned expression. She sighed and she stopped walking. Jeff leaned he back on a bay of lockers nearby. "Fine. It's just... am I really just a big child?"

Jeff squinted his eyes. "What brought this on? You're easily the most mature person in the entire study group."

"And the youngest. Let's face it, Jeff: I still have a bunch of stuffed animals that I name."

Jeff rolled his eyes. "Annie, last year we chased a fake professor through a giant blanket fort that Troy and Abed built because of a fake class that I made up. There's just something about this school that makes every single one of us act like a bunch of overgrown kids. I don't know if we'd want it any other way, really. And if you really want to get hung up over stuffed animals, you should see the collection of Beanie Babies that Shirley has stored up in her display cabinet."

"Beanie what?"

"Annie."

"It's just," Annie said, lowering her eyes, "maybe part of me thinks you'd be better off hanging around someone who's more emotionally mature."

Jeff put his finger to her chin and slightly tilted her head upward. Annie's eyes fluttered open, suddenly looking into Jeff's eyes. "If were hanging around anyone else, I definitely wouldn't be having as much fun."

Annie smiled, exhaling a puff of air between her teeth and looking away. "Things didn't used to be so complicated between us, you know?" She noticed Jeff furrowing his brow. "I mean, we used to never have a reason to hang around each other, beyond me just, you know, pulling you into some of my crazier shenanigans. Like that student election. Or when I tried to teach you a lesson about making up classes."

"Or the debate team," Jeff said with a wry smile.

"Yeah," said Annie, blushing. "But... I guess I sorta screwed it up when I blew up at you when we were working on our last Anthropology project."

Jeff's face suddenly got serious. "The day Abed figured out Britta and I were having secret sex," he recalled regrettably.

"Yeah, that," said Annie, crossing one arm behind her back and uncomfortably scratching at her other forearm. "That was the beginning of the end for us, in a way."

"What are you talking about?"

"I mean, patting my head. Calling me 'kiddo'. This whole brother-sister relationship we had going."

"Oh."

"But, while it's nice we're moving away from that... at least I sorta knew where I stood with you. I've never been used to having a stable relationship, and that was one of them. But what are we anymore? Maybe we're best friends... but are we even that, really? I mean, yeah, friends should have fun... but we don't really have heart-to-heart conversations. It's like we're always dancing around that, like our throats catch any time we get close. But you don't have a hard time opening up to, say, Abed. Or Shirley." She sighed. "Annie Kim, it seems."

"Is that what this is about?" Jeff said, a little concerned. "Annie, if you're not comfortable with tutoring me, I can..."

"No! That's not... You need to pass English, and I'm totally for..." Annie pursed her lips. "Just so you know, I may have been trying to spy on you and Annie Kim."

"What?" Jeff said. "Why?"

"I was feeling a little insecure, I guess. Besides, you have nothing to worry about. It turns out Other Annie is actually very clever in her own right. Managed to slip right through all my wire taps, ha, ha!" Annie laughed nervously. "Anyway, we had a talk, and she's right. I was being really stupid about it. I mean, when it comes down to it, that's something silly that a jealous girlfriend or a spurned lover would do. But... are we?"

Jeff regarded Annie's face, her brown eyes as big as beautiful as ever. Maybe he should feel upset that he'd asked her to trust him, and that she didn't. But deep inside, he was enamored that someone would ever find him so worthwhile that they'd go through that trouble of trying to keep him. When women discovered the real Jeff Winger, the one hiding under the polished, swift-speaking veneer of a charming lawyer, they were ready to get rid of him. A one-night stand was plenty enough. He tried opening up to Michelle Slater once, but that road only led to disaster. He and Britta only lasted as long as they did because of the thrill of getting away with things... not because they talked.

But Annie... she saw right through him most of the time. She called him out on being selfish. He called her out on being selfish. All things considered, he'd treated her pretty badly by denying that there was anything between them and by burying the one honest kiss they shared at the end of their first semester. She had every right to move on.

And yet she still wanted to be around him. A woman as beautiful as she was, she could definitely do a whole lot better than Jeff Winger. But she wasn't moving on. Hell... neither of them were moving on. The idea that there was only one person in the world for you always struck him as ridiculous. Totally ridiculous. It was a mere fantasy created to sell Nicholas Sparks novels and Jennifer Anniston movies. But that day when she let down her hair...

"Jeff, I need to talk to you about something," said Pierce, shambling down the hallway.

Jeff snapped out of it, and he realized that his lips were several inches away from Annie's. She came to as well and instinctively jumped back a couple feet.

"Oh, hi, Annie," Pierce said, acknowledging her presence. "If you'll excuse us as second, Jeff and I have something to talk about. Man to man stuff. Give us a moment?"

"Um hmmm," Annie said, blushing. "I ... sorta have something to do. Er... bye!" She gave Jeff a little wave by raising her palm and wagging her fingers. Jeff's eyes lingered on her back as she walked away down the hall.

"So, I just got back from the bathroom," said Pierce, "and I noticed a rash growing down there. Do you think I should see a doctor?"

"Yep," said Jeff, disgusted, "there's the mood killer."


	8. Chapter 8

Having to listen to Pierce prattle on about his rash was an experience not unlike stabbing your abdomen with a knife… an experience, strangely, that Jeff was intimately familiar with. He only stuck around because he'd promised his friends that he'd be nice around Pierce. Annie, specifically. Secretly, though he'd hoped that his magical dream scenario of a World Without Pierce would some day come true. He even had a musical number choreographed in his head.

And he hated musical numbers. Especially since Glee flogged them to death like a rented mule.

"Thanks, Jeff," said Pierce, clapping Jeff on the back. "You know, don't ever listen to what people say about you. You're not a big-headed cranky boots."

"What are you talking about?" said Jeff. "I didn't do anything…. Wait, who's calling me a big-headed cranky boots?"

"Hey, and look, lunchtime," said Pierce. He noticed that, through all their taking, the rest of the Study Group had finished and were getting up to leave. "Well, it looks like it's just you and me…."

"Can't," said Jeff, turning around and walking down the hall. "Pedicure appointment."

Jeff really didn't have a pedicure appointment - that was next Monday - but having lunch with Pierce alone would be like stabbing two holes in your abdomen, a sensation that he was never gutsy enough to try out himself. (As a kid, he always imagined incisions were in the shape of a big X like on the old Looney Tunes cartoons.) Deep inside, he cursed Pierce for making him miss chicken fingers again. He'd just have to come back to the cafeteria after the coast was clear and try for lunch half an hour later.

* * *

The lines were definitely shorter, but the good stuff had all been picked clean. No chicken fingers. No anything.

_I would riot for a decent sandwich shop, _thought Jeff. He picked some lettuce leaves and constructed a sad looking salad, then slumped down in a table in a lonely corner. Most of the students had eaten already, and there may be five or six milling about. Poor souls who had classes the same time as chicken fingers. Their plates too were sad vegetable concoctions with little pieces of lunchmeat thrown in.

Jeff had barely opened up his e-mail app on his cellphone when he heard the thump of another plastic tray hitting his table. He looked up. "Whoa," he said. "Annie."

Annie Kim was looking different today. Definitely… not so nerdy? Was that politically incorrect? She still wore her trademark glasses. Her hair, though, rather than being tightly pulled back was now more relaxed and silky, flowing down her shoulders. He'd noticed that her style had changed, too. Her typical pastel blouse and skirt combo was replaced by a crisper, more professional dress: a dark purple blouse and a gray jacket and skirt.

"Uh," Jeff said, "job interview?"

"What? Oh, the outfit. Something like that," said Annie Kim, smiling. "It kept me from an early lunch. Then I saw you eating there alone, and I thought to myself, 'Hey, why should two people be eating on their lonesome when we can have a lunch for two between friends'? I mean, I hope I'm not intruding. It didn't look like you were having any company."

"No, just me and my cellphone," said Jeff, placing said device down on the table.

"I thought it would be nice to know you on a less official capacity," Annie Kim said, ripping open a salad dressing packet. "I think it's a shame we only talk to each other an hour a day, and it's all about literature. Clearly the two of us are more rounded individuals than stuffy academics."

"Do you always talk like that?" Jeff asked.

"What?"

"I mean, the professorial affectation. It sounds so … formal."

This put Annie Kim a little off her guard. "I … guess I never noticed. Does it bother you? I mean … I could change it…."

"No, no," said Jeff, "it's…." This time, he caught himself a little. Mainly because he was about to say that it reminded him of a certain professor he once dated, but if he brought that up, this particular conversation would likely get really weird. "…different," he concluded, grinning a little awkwardly.

The reaction had confused Annie a little… but she knew getting into this, Jeff Winger was going to be a bit of a puzzle box. Was he suspicious? She knew he was a lawyer, one who used his charm to disarm you into falling into a trap when you least expected it. But what if he was being sincere? If that were true….

Annie Edison was a far easier person to figure out.

Who was Annie Edison? The answer to the question had been a fairly simple one. On the surface, it wasn't too had to figure out. She'd seen it before... perhaps a little too much in herself, if she wanted to admit it. Deep down, Edison was Little Miss Perfect.

Not that she was close to even being perfect.

"Little Miss Perfect" was her image. Everything revolved around her innate desire to prove to everyone how much smarter and nicer she was. The first was futile: how much energy does it take to prove you're the smartest person at a community college? Answer: not much. "A" grades were easy to score, and if all else fails fairly easy to buy. The second was also abundantly evident.

Case in point.

The moment Annie Edison wanted to be friends with her, she recognized a transparent con. There's only one reason anyone would want to be close to Annie Kim, she thought. Either you wanted to pick her mind to cruise through class, or you were secretly jealous. Annie Edison? Category two.

When Edison brought up that idea to start a Model UN, she detected a perfect opportunity to kill two bird with one stone: get credit for starting a club at Greendale and eliminate her mian rival. Any retaliation from Edison was out of the equation. That goody little two-shoes would be so wrapped up in her act of being such a perfect, friendly princess. Inside, though the envy would gnaw at her constantly.

That was before Annie Kim knew who Edison's friends were. The cheerful church lady, she understood completely. Those two were like a Greek chorus. But this Jeff Winger guy... just how did these two ever get together? She'd thought it was that Little Miss Perfect charm that hooked in the former lawyer. But now that she knew Jeff a little better, she knew he was no fool. He would've been able to see right through her from the beginning.

* * *

"I mean, I'm not opposed to taking blow-off classes," Annie Kim said, her mind returning to the conversation. "But seriously? A sleep lab? Come on."

"I know," said Jeff. "Though truth is … I've been trying to sign up for it myself. It is crazy overbooked."

"If I was going to take a blow-off class," said Annie, "it would be something about … ummmm… ice cream."

Jeff smirked. "You only said that because you were looking at the soft serve machine in the corner over there."

"Would you believe it though? What if they had a class here about ice cream. It would be named something ridiculously convoluted like 'Advanced Algorithms of Ice Cream Behavior.'"

"Yeah, we could discuss the specific melting points of different flavors of ice cream. And the magical, mystical dividing point between an ice cream and a gelato."

"That sounds pretty awesome, actually."

"You're right. It does."

At this point, the bell rang. Annie Kim leapt up. "Oh, damn," she said, "class."

Jeff looked at her plate. "You didn't even eat anything," he said.

"Err, not hungry for some reason," she said, tilting her head. She picked up her tray and headed for the trash receptacle.

The truth was … she had eaten. About an hour ago, she'd watched from the cafeteria as Annie Edison and Jeff Winger had their little conversation. She hadn't meant to spy. Or use the little listening device she'd palmed from the old guy when Edison hadn't been looking. Or take notes while the entire scene was playing out. But the whole thing had completely thrown her off.

First of all, she hadn't expected Edison to quite open up to Jeff about the whole spying incident. She'd hoped this would be her little trump card. It was not game changer, but she half expected Edison would let the guilt consume her, making her as volatile as she'd seen her be during the Model UN Off.

The most confusing part, though, was when Jeff was clearly not bothered at all by the confession. In fact, he seemed enamored by Edison. Why? The two even moved closer to…. Annie Kim wasn't even sure what she felt about that.

Seriously. What the hell was she even feeling?

All she knew was that she was staring a little too intensely, and her classmate acquaintance, Vicki Cooper (a dance major, for some ungodly reason) had almost noticed. Fortunately, Annie was able to pass it off as a reaction to a rotten apple she'd just bitten into. (A far too common Greendale occurance.)

For his part, Jeff was a little confused by what had transpired.

"Two young women sparring for you," said a voice behind him. "It's like you're the belle of the ball."

"Shut up, Leonard! By the way, I've read your House fanfiction. Cuddy would never talk like that!"

Leonard picked up his tray and turned to leave. "Ignore it all you want," he said, "it doesn't make it any less true."

Jeff turned away, trying to focus on his cellphone screen. He began getting unfocused.

"Crap," he sighed, putting down his phone.


End file.
